Monday, February 17, 2014

We are back home

For reasons I can not go into right now... I just wanted everyone to know that Mom is back home with us and is no longer at the Live In Facility.

I may at some point chose to share our horror story, but right now... I am opting out publishing anything.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Visitor From an Old Friend

Monday 2/10/13

I received a text message from a "great friend" of ours that mom bonded with at the Daycare.
She was there by our side the day that we moved mom into the facility and has kept in touch with us ever since. She texted me on Monday and asked me if, she still had visitation rights :)

Of course she does.. So she went a spent some time with mom. Honestly I was not sure if she would remember her or not. But she said that mom recognized her as soon as she walked in.

She brought mom an milkshake (since we are trying to put a few lbs. back on her) and I think that she brought herself some lunch, which I think that she ended up sharing with mom even though mom had just finished lunch. Listen... You bring fries you better be prepared to share... :)

It was nice that she took the time out of her schedule to go and see mom. I really appreciated it.
It also allowed me to pick her brain on how she thinks mom is doing, since she knew mom before placement and also understand this disease.

The only things that mom informed her of was that she was not too sure about the food choices and she does not like it at night when the facility gets dark. Meaning bedtime.
(The care managers have asked me to bring a lamp in to place in moms room, so that they can leave a light on for her. That lamp has now made it out of the closet where it was being store, to now being located in a bag by the front door. One day in the near future, hopefully I will remember to take it to my dang car). Really how hard is it to remember a lamp sitting next to the front door!

Moms lips were really dry and cracked on Monday night so I asked G to stop and pick up from Chap Stick on his way to see mom that night. He texted me later when he was there to say how excited she got about the Chap Stick when he pulled it out of his pocket for her.
I asked him to leave it with the care managers to put on her lips morning and night. (I did notice on Tuesday night, that her lips looked much better).

Tuesday 2/11/13- Marks One Month

Tuesday was one month since we placed mom. I tried hard to reflect on the changes that have occurred with mom since she has been placed. Honestly.. I am still not sure that this is the right decision for mom or for myself.

I left work a little bit later than normal so I arrived when mom was already sitting for dinner. I walked into her taking someone else's soup, and another lady standing up bossing everyone at the table.
I asked if I could move mom to the back table so that I could sit with her and also remove her from the group of lady's that was setting her off.
We relocated ourselves to the back table and I sat with her while she ate. She did good eating.
For whatever reason mom has decided that she no longer likes dessert. She will not even try them form the facility.

Her ADD demeanor was out in full force. I even checked with the medication nurse to be sure that she has been taking her medicine. According to him, yes there are no indications that she had refused it on her file. Good days and Bad Days right??????

Wednesday 2/12/13-

I had a procedure this morning on my neck again to help with the headaches. I had to lay flat after the procedure for 4 hrs, so I was not able to go and see mom today. G has the flu, so he is also staying away.
This is the first day that neither G nor myself were able to go and see her. I called and talked to her after dinner and she seemed good. She said that she was OK, just watching TV with her friends.
I talked to her care manager that said she ate well and has been in a good mood.

I WILL BE THERE TOMORROW. Ain't No headache going to keep me from my momma!

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Bad start, turns into a postive note

This week has been filled with emotions I have not felt in a long time.

I had to try really hard to find a balanced between work and home life. It doesn't happen too often, but when work needs be... They really need me.

I have been working all week at least until 7 and also having to be in the office by 7:30. I had a conference  Wednesday - Friday that also required that I attend after work functions.

I like to always go and see mom in the morning before I go into work, which means that I usually do not get into the office until around 8:45-9. This week I was not able to go and see mom for breakfast at all and had to rush to even see her at dinner time in between leaving the office going to the dinner functions.

As I mentioned in last weeks blog post, we have noticed that mom has lost some weight. I requested on Monday that she be weighed and to let me know what her weight was. By Wednesday when she had still not be weighed, I took matters into my own hands.
I went and got the chair scale myself and set it up right smack in the middle of the living room for all of the staff to see what was being done.
I was shocked to see that mom had lost 9 pounds since she had been to the Dr. right before she moved in. She is down to 139...
Lets be honest mom and I both could live weeks off of the fat on our hips alone, but that is not the point.
The point in this entire story is that once again, I had to bring it to everyone's attention. I just don't understand why.
First: The wrong medication being given. Second: The wrong dosage of medication. Third: The bully and now this...
The medication has been taken care of and I give them credit. Mom does not go more than a few hrs with refusing to take her medication before they call me to let me know. I think that they learned their lesson that her refusing to take her medication and them not forcing it and not telling us for two days will not happen with me involved.. I will chew someone up!
The medication Tech has been pretty successful and for that I give them a thumbs up... Mom can be how to say it... A pain in the @$$ when it comes to taking medication.

The care managers seem to have started to bond with me. Which is good. I always make it a point to know EVERYONES name. I always want them to feel a connection with us. When you address people by there name, they seem to think twice.

Bridget has found that when mom does not have the baby doll with her at the table she does not get distracted and eats better. Also they said that she is not bonding or socializing with the other residents and that they expected her to by now. Again when they take the baby away, she talks to the other residents and not just to the baby.

The minute I walk onto the floor, they always tell me how much at each setting mom ate. It seems to be getting better.
I talked to Carrie today and requested that mom be weighed weekly until we get a handle on the weight loss. They will be scheduled to weigh her every Thursday.

I had a bad headache on Saturday, so laid around on the couch until it was close to mid-afternoon. I got a phone call from the facility and expected it to be the hairdresser, telling me that mom would not let them do her hair. Or that she was freaking out about the water in her ears and that I needed to be there for her appt.
But it was the nurse... She said that she wanted to call me and let me know that mom hurt her knee. She said that mom was having trouble putting any weight on it and was stumbling when she walked.
They did not see any swelling or bruising, but that they put her in a wheelchair just to be on the safe side as they did not want her to fall. But she did not want me to not be aware and walk into visit her and see her in a wheelchair and freak out.
Shawn and I left the house shortly after that call...

When we arrived Bridget was downstairs and rode up with me in the elevator. I asked her what was going on with mom. She said I don't know, I asked the nurse when I came on shift and saw her sitting in the wheel chair. She said I asked the nurse if she had called you yet, and the nurse said no... But that her sift was ending. Bridget told her that she had to call me before she left, that Bridget was not going to tell me that she had no idea what was wrong with mom and why she was in a wheelchair when I came to visit.
After the nurse called me, she said to Bridget she (me) was nice.. Bridget said, I never said she was not nice.. I just said that I was not going to be the one to tell her that I didn't know what was wrong with her mom... :)
Shawn checked mom over and said that she probably hit it on something or that maybe she turned funny on it. He saw no swelling or bruising, and it did not appear that she had fallen.  We got her cleaned up and ready for bed and tucked her in before leaving for the night.

Sunday we picked Pop up and took him to the International Car Show downtown. We walked around looking at all the new cars for 2014 for about 3 hrs and then went to the Landing to have lunch.
It was the WORST lunch ever.... I still feel sick from it.. It was so gross.
We took Pop back to his apt and then went to see mom. She was finishing up with dinner when we got there. She is not needing the wheelchair and has made a miraculous recovery from her knee injury. We took her and cleaned her up (Changed her depends and had her go to the bathroom) and then sat with her in her apt from about an hr.
We then took her back out into the living room to sit with all of the other residents to watch the Olympics before getting ready for bed.

Monday, February 3, 2014

1/29/14-2/3/14 These few days have been a whirl wind

The last few days have been a whirl wind. Between me not feeling well and there being a stomach bug going around mom's floor...... I have not spent a whole lot of time there.

Friday I worked from home just because I felt like @$$ when I woke up I didn't even feel like getting dressed to go into the office.
I worked in my PJ's all day (not that, that is anything different from any other day that I work from home. Hey- They are comfy... Don't judge me)

I worked until about 3:30 and then forced myself to at least put on some "real" clothes and go and see mom. She was as usual sitting in the living room watching Annie (I'm going to HATE that freakin movie, by the time this is all done) holding her baby. I spent sometime just sitting with her, listening to her ramble about what.. I'm not really sure :) But it makes her happy....
I was going to leave when they started to get everyone together for dinner, but G showed up as he had left work early and came by to see her as well. So we all had dinner together....

The mean lady tried to take mom's baby again and G had to hold her off, telling her over and over again this is not your baby... This is my moms baby. He did better than me..
I said to G, lets go to the other dinning room so we can get away from this lady, since she is on this side of the floor, I'm sure she will eat over here.

I WAS WRONG... She followed us yelling the whole time to the other side of the floor. G and I sat mom down at a table with a view with only 4 chairs. I wanted us to be able to sit with her alone.

The lady followed us to the table and stood over us for about 3 minutes, before I could not take it any more. I said Come with me... G said don't hurt her :) I wont... MUCH

I said to her come with me... She turned to follow me and I stuck out my hand which she took. She walked with me holding my hand into the living room. I took her to the crib station that they have set up and showed her that "her babies" were still in the crib. She was so happy. She snatched that baby up by her foot and held her tight. Good thing it was not a real baby.:)

She left us alone the rest of the night.....

Dinner went OK. Mom seems to get really distracted when we are there with her during eating time. But on the other hand, if we are not there.. She does not eat much.

She refused to take her medicine when the lady came to give it to her. G reached out and got the medication cup and said that we would give it to her. G tired a few times to try and she kept telling him no... It was so hard for me not to take the cup and handle it..... But I need to let him handle thing sometimes. I have to stop trying to take control of everything. He did well he kept at it and got them down her with only minimal bribes :) What ever it takes now a days... I could careless.
I bribe with M&M's and I tell the girls at the facility to do the same.

Saturday was a fun day for all of us........
Patti and Krista Gold (mom's niece) were in town visiting Jennifer who is my cousin who is living in my parents condo (FYI- Thank god for that.... One less thing we had to worry or stress about).
I was going to go and bust mom out and meet them all for lunch, but Shawn got back from the gym earlier than expected so he and Pop also went with us...
So we all went to lunch at the Ale House (Dad's favorite) to have lunch.
It was nice for mom to get out and to spend time with friends away from the facility. Not sure she knew who everyone was... But she loved to talk and be out. Patti brought a gift for mom from Gale and Dick. She pulled a picture out of the bag that Gale has sent up and mom immediately said that's Dick... I was shocked....
She had no clue who she was in the photo, or who Dad or Gale was... But Dick she knew.

We spent about two hours at lunch and then we took mom back.... I asked Shawn was he was going to do when he got home.. He said sleep, I've been up since 4am....First off that is your own fault... But if your going home to sleep, drop me off at the mall with the girls and I will see you later.

So not only did I get to spend the afternoon with mom, I also got to spend some time shopping....

I took a day off... G told me that he was going to see mom and wanted to make sure that I was not  going to check her out. So I opted to stay home today and clean my house... it was really needed...

*** One thing that I did want to mention, was to me mom seems to have gone downhill over the last week or so. She is really slow responding now and is also really making no sense at all when she talks. I am not sure if this is from lack of stimulation (little to no activities to use the brain), if this is adjusting from the move, or is this a slide or progression in the disease. I don't know, but it scares the hell out of me. There is a big difference in my opinion in a short amount of time*******

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

1/26/14-1/28/14 We've Made Progress

Sunday 1/26/14

Shawn and I decided to take Pop and Mom out for lunch. We picked Pop up and then drove over and checked mom out.
We decided to head to the beach since it was a nice day. We arrived at Sneakers in Jacksonville Beach around 11:30. I think that we beat the servers!
We had a good time. It was nice to hang with mom and pop and just relax for a change.
I took mom to the bathroom and quickly was reminded as to why I made the decision to place. She gets very anxious going to the bathroom. I tired to reassure her that everything was OK and that no one was in the bathroom with us. She started to get angry and frustrated. So I had to count to 10 and then count again...

We kept her out of the facility for around 2 1/2 hrs. We had lunch and then went a ran a few errands.
She was not sad or upset when we brought her back to the facility, so that was a step forward.

Monday 1/27/14

I decided to back off in the mornings and not rush to the facility to see mom. I want her to have the chance to learn that I am going to be there, but not rely on me to be there when she eats or has to take her medicine.
I woke up and decided to work from home for the day. I met Shawn for lunch and then drove over to see mom. She was sitting in the living room holding her baby :)
It was so nice outside that the facility had the doors to the patio opened, so I got mom to go sit outside with me for a while.
We sat outside and just talked... Well she talked.. I listened.

There is a lady at the facility who seems to have an issue with mom. Every time she seems mom holding the baby.. Which she does all the time. She screams at her to "give me back my baby".

Well Monday was no exception. Mom and I were sitting on the porch minding our business and then came the mean lady. I could feel myself starting to bow up as soon as she walked outside.
It was not two seconds and she started yelling at mom. Mom becomes so upset when this lady yells at her... I told the lady to STOP IT and go and get the other baby. Of course that made no sense to her..
I was not going to give in..... I finally reached the breaking point and told the lady to "just go away".

I moved mom back inside and away from the mean lady.
I talked to Fay (moms morning care giver) who told me that mom allowed her to shower her, she ate 75% of her breakfast and also that she went to the bathroom for her. (Insert applause here)

I called G on my way back home and told him to make sure and address this issue with Cari if she was there when he got there that night.

He said that he did and Cari stated that she would address it.

Tuesday 1/28/14

I arrived around 10:30 to walk in and find mom sitting on the couch with her baby singing songs with all the other residents. She looked happy and relaxed.
I leaned over the back of the couch and said.. Hi Mom. She said Oh, I'm sorry.
I said, sorry for what.? She said, I didn't know you were coming... I'm busy you will have to come back later...

I laughed so hard....

I let her continue to spend time doing the activities that I have complained out so many time, or lack there of. I walked over to Cari's office to address the bullying issue for myself.

She said that she was aware and that she notified the staff to keep them separate or to make sure that the mean lady has a baby. She said that this is not normal behavior for the lady and that mom is not the only person that this is occurring with. I told her that I didn't care about all the other people, I cared about only how my mom is handled.
I left and went back to work once I verified with the medication staff that they were successful in getting mom to take her medicine.

I went back after work and sat with mom for a while and just listened to her tell me all about her day.
I left when they were gathering everyone up to move to the dining room for dinner.

I told her that I would see her tomorrow.


Thursday, January 23, 2014

Everything Is OK 1-23-14

Sorry its been a few days since I wrote on this blog.

But all is well. Same issues still with mom not trusting them to go to the bathroom, which is a BIG issue as I am still having to toilet her twice a day.

She is having troubles taking her medicine (mainly in the morning time), but it seems to be getting a little better. *** Insert Fingers Being Crossed here*******

She is still holding her baby doll and at times seems very jittery and unsure of her surroundings.
She is always looking to me when I am there to tell her what to do or what is OK for her to do.

I wish that she would being to feel comfortable there and think of this place as her home.

I understand that it has only been a week, but I WISH...

I took some photos this morning but have yet to down load them.

I noticed tonight when I went to visit her that she had on one black and one brown shoe.
Kind of made me chuckle. She would have flipped her mind if she did this at an earlier time in her life.

There was an issue this morning at breakfast with another lady, snatching the baby doll out of moms arms and screaming at her that the doll was her baby.
I swear I morphed into a protective mother Grizzly Bear. I had to breath and talk to myself, that she was confused and that she was not aware what she was doing. .... When really my first thought was "Hell No.. I will cut a B*&ch".

I love that women more than my life... I will protect her to the death.
It was like sitting in a classroom watching your child be bullied. I wanted to push her down on the playground.

But---- I took the high road and went and got the lady another doll and took moms back from her.

I will post some more photos tomorrow.
Just wanted to make a quick update. We are all still OK and adjusting!

Monday, January 20, 2014

Day Eight: We broke mom out

I again did not set my alarm clock, but woke up on my own around 8. Shawn was at the gym, so Pop and I watched the news and drank some coffee. I called to check on Mom and spoke with her for a few minutes.
She sounded OK...

Shawn and I have been wanting to take her out at least for a little while and we decided today was THE DAY.

We packed up Pop and headed over to see mom.

When we arrived it was lunch time, but mom was not in the dining room. Faye said that she would not eat and was probably sitting outside of her room. Which she was.

I took her to the bathroom (she was wet) changed her depends and headed to check her out.

We loaded her up and took her to the Town Center, just to walk around and get some fresh air.
She did really well... She was not stressing!

We had her out of the facility for about two hrs. She was not too happy with me when I brought her back, but she was not upset (sad).
I explained to her that her apt was here now and that we would come to visit her all the time and that sometimes she would be able to come with us to go places.

It was hard to leave her again....

Day Seven: Showers are the Devil

I slept in not setting my alarm, mom has got to learn that she can eat breakfast by herself. I woke up around 8 and waited until about 9:30 to call and talk to Mom as well as Faye. I talked to Faye and she told me that mom did not really eat her breakfast and that Faye was the Devil today. I asked, why is that? She said I had to give your mom another shower this morning, in order to clean her up. I said 3 showers in 3 days.... Yes.. I am sure that you are the Devil. :)
I asked Faye if I could talk to mom and she said sure.. Mom wasted no time telling me that Faye was horrible that she slammed her around and broke her arm. I said, I am sure that you are fine. But told her that I would be there to see her in a little while. She was happy to hear that.

When G and arrived upstairs Faye asked to speak with G and I privately. She said that she wanted to be sure that we understood that she did not hurt mom while giving her a shower. That moms conversation with me on the phone was not accurate. I told Faye that I understood. That when I had to clean mom up or give her a shower that she would tell G and or Shawn that I broke her arms.

G and I went and sat with mom and had lunch with her. She was very ADD, she could not concentrate. She spent most of the time trying to feed G and I her lunch even though we had the same meal in front of us. We stayed about 2 hrs and then we left. I told mom that I would be back later or call her.

I went home and watched the first game with Shawn and Pop. When the second game started I went back up to see mom. When I got there she was having a conversation with reflection in the window to the porch door. When I walked up behind her she saw my reflection and began to yell "That is my girl, right there that is her". I said mom, turn around I am back here. I got her attention and walked her away from the window and asked her to come with me to her room since it was quite and would give her a minute to relax.
We sat in her room for about 10 minutes and then we walked back down to the living room. There was no where that she and I could sit together, so we went and sat in the dining room. The Med Tech from last night, saw me and said that she could five mom her meds if I wanted while I was there.
I smiled and said, yes please.
She brought the pills, a spoon and a cup of water. The pills were 100% correct this time... and mom took the medication from the spoon. The Med Tech told me that she could not touch the pills so the spoon was the only option. It worked so I was OK with it....

I needed to leave as it was getting late.. When I say late I mean like 7:30. I needed to get home and make dinner for Pop and Shawn. She again told me she was tired and she had already taken her medicine, so I got her ready for bed.

It almost makes me feel better to know that I put her in bed myself. I know that I can not do this forever, but for now..........

Friday, January 17, 2014

Day Five: Ventured to the Bistro on the First Floor

I got up this morning with my alarm clock and didn't even once hit the snooze button. Last night I only took 1/2 of a Xanax to help me sleep. I was excited when I woke up and my first thought was going to see mom. I jumped up and got ready in record time. I was out the door fully showered, hair done and makeup all in 35 minutes...... Wish I could pull that off on a "normal" day :)

When I arrived, mom was sitting of by herself at the table in the living room area holding her baby.
She was watching HSN, which is kind of funny since that women use to order from that show hard core back when I was young. There were not a lot of people up yet, so it was really quite other than the TV BLASTING.... I can't help it... every time I walk into that place I want to turn the damn TV down. The staff was still waking everyone up, so it gave mom and I a chance to just sit and talk and for her not to force me to eat breakfast. She was happy, calm and relaxed......
The front of her hair appeared to be a little wet, so I asked her if she had a shower this morning. She said "yes" which I was not sure if that was accurate or not to be honest with you. The shower was suppose to be moved to Saturday when Faye was working. She quickly moved on to another subject, so I imagined that the "yes" to the shower was not accurate. God knows she screamed, kicked and cussed me for hours when I did showers at the house with her.
I sat with her and just talked and held her hand until they finally started to get everyone into the dining room for breakfast. I helped her over the dining area and got her all set up at the "table with a view". She sat down liked she owned the place and even pulled up an extra chair for her baby.
I told her that I was going to go to work, but that I would be back later one today. She said OK... See you later..

I left work around 3 to go and see mom again. I got off the elevator and saw that Cari's office door was open, so I stopped by to talk to her to see what her feelings were on how mom was adjusting.
She said that mom was doing really well. She was not combative and seemed to be adjusting to the other ladies well. Her only concern was that mom was not voiding enough through out the day. But I questioned whether mom was drinking enough. I told her that this morning her mouth seemed parched. She asked me if mom liked anything specific to drink. I told her that she likes for things to not be really cold. She prefers more room temperature drinks. Cari said that she will make that note and will also asked that the Care staff pay more attention to whether or not mom is drinking all of her drinks through out the day. She said that mom was still uneasy about the staff helping her change in the mornings and at night. That it's taking them about 40 minutes, but that she expects that with time she will grow to trust them and this time will get shorter.

When I walked in the memory area, mom was sitting in a chair with her baby next to another lady that was sleeping. She saw me and began to Bitch. She said "I am so pissed". I asked her what was wrong and told her to calm down. She said to me that none of these damn people do anything as she was pointing to the other ladies that were cat napping in their chairs or on the couch.
I laughed.. She use to say the same thing when she was at daycare.
I asked her to go and sit with me at the table, just so we could sit next to each other and talk. We talked and I opened the bag of single serving M&M's that Jessica had brought her. She only ate a few.
I talked to Cari earlier about starting to venture outside of the memory area and how she felt. She told me to start slowly, but to give it a try. So mom and I went downstairs to the Bistro and sat just for a little while. She was a little uneasy and didn't seem confident leaving the area. Once we got downstairs and were sitting she began to relax. We didn't stay long, maybe only 15 minutes or so. I really just wanted to test the waters to see if she would go back upstairs with me and how she would react. She was fine.. Not a single issue.
As we were getting up from the Bistro, G walked in. He was surprised to see us downstairs. I motioned to him to get off the elevator first and unlock the door to the memory area. She acted as though the door did not exist. We went and sat down at the table with G and talked about moms day.
Rhonda and Gage showed up to drop off the shadow box for the outside of moms room. Mom was excited to see her. I said to G, lets take her to her room and sit with her. So we walked toward her room and mom asked where we were going. I explained that her room was at the end of the hallway and that she could be sure to find hers now that she just needed to look for her shadow box with her name and pictures in it. She pointed the shadow box out to G and I went we reached her room.
We went in her room and looked at the pictures on her walls and commented on her view from her big windows.
All in All... It was a good visit.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Day Four: Calm

I rushed this morning to have breakfast with mom. I actually arrived before breakfast was being served. I walked in expecting to find mom in the dining room but she was not in there. Faye saw me and said I know she is awake, I already got her up and dressed, maybe she is in the other living room or maybe she is back in her room.
Faye and I began to walk towards mom room. Faye said, listen Cari called me at home last night about the wipe situation. She said I am "old School" I don't like to use the wipes unless I have to, I use a wash cloth - soap and water every morning to clean my residents up. If that is not OK I will use the wipes. I said that is fine with me, I just want to be sure that my mother is being cleaned.
Mom was not in her room, so Faye and I walked down to the other living room area. She was there sitting with a few ladies watching the news. Today she didn't have the baby doll but she had the Bear that Terri gave her before she left the last daycare and also the Cat stuffed animal that Shawn and I got her for Christmas.
The girl that works for APEX was there to meet with a resident, we immediately locked eyes and said hello. She said I was so excited when I saw your moms name on the new resident board last week. She asked me how I was doing, to which I began to cry......

The Care Managers began to gather all of the residents to take them to the dining rooms and I learned this time that mom can eat in either dinning room, so I walked her to the closest. Which ended up being a good fit as it was not as crowded and was quite. I sat mom down at a table for 4 that no one had yet sat at, that way I could actually SIT with her today. The APEX lady (I've got to learn her name) sat down with us as well as her resident that she came to work with. They tried to give mom oatmeal again this morning, but she spoke for herself and let them know that she did not like oatmeal. Manners are one of the first things to go with this disease.... Mom said No... Get that away from me! I don't want it...
The Care Manager was really nice and took the oatmeal right away and asked mom if she would like French Toast or Pancakes. I replied French Toast with scrambled eggs and one slice of bacon... PLEASE. Mom replied Yes, Please.
She spent most of the time trying to get me to eat her breakfast so in order to get her to eat, I would act as though I had taken a bite of the eggs. Mom did pretty well eating, almost 1/2 I would say. I looked at the clock and realized that it was already 9 and that I needed to get by @$$ to work. I told mom that I had to leave, but I would be back after work. When mom talks to you now her storied make little to no sense, so I just listed and everyone in a while say... Really... But today after I told her that I had to leave to go to work, She grabbed my arm and said you know you don't have to spend all of your time coming back here to see me... That brought tears to my eyes instantly.
The APEX lady said to me, you know those few moment of clarity that you rarely see? That was just one of them.... I began to leave but Melinda (the Med Nurse) stopped in the hallway and said your mom took her medicine for me this morning with no problem. I said to her remember me... I am Melinda, Lisa's friend. She asked me to make sure that you took your medicine. I was relieved that we made a break through with the medicine.
Remembering on my drive to work over and over what mom said to me before leaving... I cried the whole way.

I left work earlier today in order to again spend one on one time when she is not eating. I want to see how she interacts with me not around food. Does she relax, what is she doing, etc.
I walked into the building and there was a flood of people of the first floor waiting for the elevators.
I recognized the Care Managers and a lot of the residents from the memory area. I kept looking for mom, but she was not there. I asked Kayla (moms night Care Manager) if mom did not go and she said that she was not sure that she had just walked in the building as they were all getting on the elevator as well. She didn't think that they would have taken mom out of the memory area yet just as a flight risk since she had only been there not even a week. They were not 100% familiar with her actions or tendencies yet. I understood but was sad that mom did not get to go.
When I walked into the memory area Mom was walking around with her baby doll this time and jumped right in with the mix of people coming back into the doors. She told a lady to move it...
I rubber her arm and she noticed me and said oh Hi.. I said we don't tell people to move it... We need to be nice. She said well she needed to.. Move it. I had to get by. (what was I suppose to say to that. She did need to get by).
She and I walked over and sat in the living area and just talked. Like I said before I just listen mostly as not much of it makes an sense. She is on one topic one minute and off on another the next minute. All I can say is that it is like ADD. She was calm thought, not anxious.
Kayla stopped by and asked me if I was her daughter I said yes. She apologized for not formally introducing herself to me over the last few days. She said that she had just been crazy and off.
She told me that she was concerned that mom was not going to the bathroom for them other than in the morning and right before bed. Kayla said that they take her and her depends is dry but that she just does not go while sitting on the toilet. I told her that Shawn and I had this same problem sometimes, but it was usually before bedtime. I asked her if she wanted me to try and take her. She said if I didn't mind or that if I was uncomfortable that she could go with us. I said ... I have been doing this for more that a year I am not uncomfortable, but Thank you.
I took mom to the bathroom and had to hold her baby so no one took him while she was gone. She knew to pull her pants down in order to use the restroom, but again forgot the depends. I stopped her and reminded her to pull her depends down also. She sat on the toilet and went right away. No issue. I think that she is just not yet comfortable with them.
When we came out of the rest room the couch was now full so mom and I walked over to the other living room and sat down in a corner all by our selves. It was nice to just sit with her and hold her hand. She was so calm. I stayed for about 10 more minutes until they started to gather the residents for dinner and then I helped her to a table "with a view" and told her that I had to leave to go home. She asked me if I would be back tomorrow. I said Yes. Every morning I will be here. She said that was nice and that she would see me tomorrow. Right before I left I looked back to find her putting the spoons and forks in her pocket.... Made me smile :)
Here are a few photos from my visit with mom today. I will begin to add photos to each day.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Day Three: Better than Yesterday

I arrived this morning in time to sit with mom for breakfast. She was sitting at a table with 2 other ladies and an empty chair right next to her. I walked up and rubbed her arm and sat down in the empty chair. She said, Oh Hi do you want some breakfast. She was wearing her black slacks, black slip on shoes a multi-colored sweater and her favorite white jacket. Her hair was nicely brushed and she appeared to be calm. She as always spent most of her time eating her French Toast and Eggs trying to give all of her food to me to eat. I humored her and took a few bites. She kept looking out the back window at the cars in the parking lot and asked me where all the people were that belonged to the cars. I said working or in their apts.
The Med Tech Melinda, walked by while I was sitting with mom so I stopped her and asked if mom took her medicine for her today. She said No, but we will keep trying. I said I'm here do you want me to try? She said sure if you don't mind. I introduced mom to "my Friend Melinda" and told her that Melinda was helping me by giving her the medicine. I said, lets show Melinda how well you can take your pills. Which she did. The goal in my mind was for Melinda to know the routine that I used and also to help bridge that gap between mom and Melinda.
I told mom that I had to leave to go to work and she said ok, bye. I told her that I would be back later.

I was sitting in meeting right before lunch and my cell phone went off with a call from Sunrise. I quickly jumped up from the meeting to go out into the hall to take the call. It was Faye (her Morning Care Giver) She said that mom was asking about me and that I told her that we could call you and she could take to you at anytime. I was so grateful that Faye to the time to call me not only for moms sake, but lets me honest... For mine as well. I talked to mom for a few minutes about nothing. I just mainly listened. She asked me what I was doing.. I said working, what are you doing. She said keeping busy. She said that her friend Felicia (aka Faye) was really nice. I said yeah that was really nice of her to call me so that we could talk. I said she is a nice lady.... Mom said who? I said Faye.. She said who? I said Felicia.... To which mom replied who the hell is Felicia.. :)
I told her that I had to go back to work, but that I would stop by later to see her, she said OK.

I called around 3:00 just to see how she was doing and Bridget told me that everyone was sitting in the living room listening to the violinist.

I left work around 4:00 hoping to spend some time with mom not eating to see if out interaction would be any different.
I got off the elevator and noticed that a lady was standing right by the door, so I used the opposite door to enter than I usually do. When I walked in I saw Bridget and waved. She said you mom is over in this living room today. Which means to me that she is starting to walk around the floor mom.
I walked into the living room to find her, her "baby" and a lady friend sitting watching Judge Judy.
Mom said, Hi do you want to sit down with us... While patting the couch. I said sure and tried to fit my big @$$ in a little corner on the couch. Mom said I'll move over for you to have more room. When I sat down on the couch next to mom the cushion felt wet or cold, so I though that mom might have been wet. I tried to feel her pants and depends while sitting on the couch but I just could not tell. I asked her if she needed to go to the bathroom. She asked me if I needed to go. I said I could go and she said that me too. I helped her off the couch and we walked over to the public restroom which was locked. Ashley unlocked the door for us which must have been locked on accident by the last person that used it. Mom tried get me to go the bathroom first. I said that she should go first and that I would go last. She knew to unbutton her pants and pull them down, but forgot about needing to pull down the depends. Once I pointed it out to her she was concerned about pulling them down too far. She sat on the toilet and went right away..... Her Depends was dry, which was a HUGE relief to me. Now I know that she is being taken to the bathroom on a regular basis liked promised.
Celeste (the activities director) came around and started to gather everyone up for dinner. I walked mom to the dining room and sat with her while they were preparing her plate. Mom requested Swedish meatballs and steamed spinach. Gross and Gross!
I said to mom that I was going to go down to her room for a few minutes and just to check things out, but that I would be right back. She said ok I'll be here.
I entered her room after unlocking the main door and all things were in their place. I opened the closet which was still neat and tidy. Meaning mom is not spending time in her room or the closet would appear like the Tasmanian Devil came through.
I notice that all provided products were opened and sitting on the top shelf in her closet, other than the wipes. That box was still sealed and unopened. Which Immediately Pissed me off......
Of course my first thought was is mom not being cleaned each morning or after each wet depends being changed. I called Cari and also mentioned it to Bridget and addressed it as I'm sure that is another explanation other than my mom has been here three days and has not have a wipe on her skin. Cari said that she thought that the girls were probably using the wipes that they keep in the aprons, but she would do some checking and get back with an answer for me.
I walked back to the dining room and sat with mom while she finished eating. Tonight she asked me for the first time if she could go home with me for a few days. She asked me if I had room for her.
I told her that he room was here now and that I will come her to spend time with her. She said OK and moved onto a new subject.
Of course that question alone caused me to want to gather her up and bring her home.
She is adjusting well to this move... That is what I have to keep telling myself.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Day Two- And So It Begins

BAMB! I walked into reality this morning. Mom has realized this is not a slumber party or a spa vacation. When I arrived at Sunrise around 8:15am mom was in the dining room area getting ready for breakfast. She was very out of sorts and ADD but not the " let's get the hell out of here". She told me that they cut her head this morning and that the people there were awful. But in the same breathe agreed with me that the people were very friendly and nice. I humored her and examined her head to check for a cut.... I said "Nope... No blood from a cut and your head is still there. You are all good".
The med nurse stopped by and asked me if I was her daughter and If I could try to get her to take her medicine. I said, I'll try. She took the medicine for me with no issue.
Mom appeared clean, nicely dressed and hair and teeth were brushed. I didn't stay long remembering what Cari said about short frequent visits. I told mom that I had to go because I was going to work. She was ok with that. Didn't like it but was ok.
When I went back to Sunrise after work around 5pm, I ran into G on his way out. He had a look for the first time that this may have been a bad decision. Which caused me to react with emotions.
When I walked in mom was sitting at the dinning table with two other ladies holding her baby still.
Shawn hates that she carries this baby, but if it comforts her at all... I am OK with this.
I sat with her while she picked at her meal. They gave her a hotdog with all the fixings and plain lays chips, which are moms favor chips. Everyone else had a different side. I really appreciated that they remember this ... She ate all the chips and a few bites of the hotdog. I gave her a few M&M's for each bite. She got excited about the M&M's. I told her that I needed to leave and go back to work. She said OK, that she would stay there.
Talked to Kayla around 8:45pm, she said that she just got mom into bed. She kept telling Kayla that we were coming to pick her up. Kayla said that this was normal.
This is getting harder and harder day by day.
I talked to Cari today before my nightly visit and she said that in her opinion mom was doing well with the transition. She was impressed that mom remembered Faye (who mom has renamed Felicia) as someone that she can trust. Faye is her day time care taker.
I just wish that I could stop doubting my decision!

Day One- Move to Sunrise


We arrived at Sunrise around 10am. Cari the direction of the memory care "Reminiscence"  area as Sunrise refers to it was waiting for us in the lobby. We let Cari lead the discussion as well as the tour. Mom was very relaxed, little to no anxiety. We sat in the dining area for a few minutes and had a coo of coffee and then headed to show mom her new room. Cari again to the lead.... We all sat together in the room making sure to point out all of mom's things that she loves so much. We sat with her in her room for about 20 minutes. The Cari suggested that we go back to the common area with her for a little while. We left her room and walked to the TV area and sat in a rocking chair for a few minutes. Then asked mom to take us to her room along her to lead us this time. She knew the direction to head which was a nice surprise. Carri asked us to leave at this time allowing mom to be here by herself, but to only go downstairs and wait for her call. We sat in the lobby for almost an hour before deciding to go back up stairs on our own. Mom was sitting at the dining room table sitting with a few other ladies getting ready to eat lunch. Terri had come to help mom transition and also brought mom a hamburger, so she was eating that with Terri. At this point mom was comfortable and occupied, so we went ahead and left for the day. I called around 4pm to see how she was doing. Bridget said that was carrying her baby around and helping pass out juice to all the residents. Shawn and I went back up to the facility around 7pm to get mom ready for bed and to tuck her in, just like I have done for the past year. When we pulled into the parking lot we could see that her apt light was on and so was her suite mates. We rushed upstairs and went into her room and found that her bed was empty. I sent Shawn back to the Nurses station to see if maybe mom was down there. While he was gone I began to hear voices coming from her suite mates room. I called out "mom" and she quickly replied "yes". She came out of Vida's room and just said Hi....  I said what are you doing, you are suppose to be in bed. She said "I was working". Had to laugh.. That thought has not changed yet.
I put her back in bed and laid with her for a little while talking about her day. She was so relaxed! I kissed her goodnight and told her that I would see her in the morning. She said "K- night".
This day could not have gone any better....... My fingers are crossed that she continues to enjoy he time there and that this was the correct decision.